Dowry, as a practice has pervaded our system and it strikes at the roots of equality that we extol or boast about. This is an instance of a high degree of hypocrisy and double speech on the part of Indian society. The virtues of a girl are reduced to nothing and her abilities do not matter. If the father can pay hefty dowry, she would be regarded to have all the virtues of the world and if that cannot be garnered, the virtues are unwanted characteristics or may be vices. Dowry now is so much a part of the system that one not taking dowry is seen as a fool and one not giving as a miser who does not want the welfare of his daughter. Something that everyone realizes and acknowledges is bad but something that everyone indulges in. We have been trying to think on this problem from various angles. Educating the masses or society won’t help as social pressure is too much on people. Moreover, how can one stop a father from giving gifts to his daughter? The line that divides dowry and those gifts is thin and one that certainly can evade the law enforcing agencies. Then what is the way out? I believe law has its own limitations, there are issues which are beyond its reach and dowry certainly is one of these.
Can love marriages be a solution to this problem? I think they might be. It would first be pertinent to look at how arranged marriages operate or happen in our country. Invariably, the girl’s father goes to meet the prospective groom or the boy. Before that the photographs are exchanged. The boy would see the photograph of the girl. Height of the girl – 5’3”, color – fair, age - 23 years. And then the boy looks at her educational background. Now what is most striking about this description? Are you going to buy a goat or a cow? How does the height and color matter in a long term relationship? How can you spend your life with some one you do not know? The argument is that this is how it has been happening for so many years and moreover, the arranged marriages in India have been quite successful, i.e., long lasting. But the long lasting Indian marriages are not the true testimony of happiness as much as they are of tolerance, ignorance, patience and stamina of the Indian women. It is just a compromise of life. Besides the attributes of the girl, there are other considerations that are more important and are invariably the decisive factors. What is the father doing? What are the siblings doing? It seems that one is in a big showroom to buy a DVD player. What a travesty of the individual and what a great irony!
There cannot be anything more inimical to the interests of the women. In this entire where do they stand? Invariably they stand as a silent spectator, much like the cow. I am not saying that parents do not take all steps to ensure a good life for their children. But then who are they to decide what is good for a 23 year old girl. If she cannot decide what is good for her, she would probably never understand and learn to make a choice. How can leave the most important decision of one’s life to others? Isn’t this a folly?
Let us have a look from the boy’s perspective. India promotes compliance and produces spineless males. What can be a better manifestation of the above line than the fact that they are willing to spend their lives with someone they do not know. Is it not like playing a gamble? For us a boy who refuses to listen to his parents is disobedient, callous and disrespectful. After all, our parents bring us up, take care of us and so they do have certain expectations. But then is it not a restriction or in fact a strangulation of his freedom, his life and his choices? Civil and political freedom has been guaranteed by the Constitution but where is personal freedom? Is it not insecurity of the parents that they think of themselves to be in a better position to decide for their son not letting loose the grip they have on him? And what does the Indian male do? He obeys his parents because he does not want to displease them. But is this not a spineless act? Does this not show his helplessness, his predisposition to please everyone revealing that he does not have the power to confront, to stick to his decision against all odds? In fact, in India marriage is not something where an individual has to exercise his right to chose. The choice of the partner is left to the families and the rest is left for them to ponder about. So, the most germane decision is not yours. I simply do not understand this.
We talk of Hindu Muslim unity. We know inter caste and inter religious understanding is must for our country. But then are we really promoting it? It has both individual and societal level implications to it. Firstly, at societal level, these castes and religious groups would remain water tight compartments with little mobility. Just imagine a Hindu getting married to a Muslim. In a second, it can lead to riots and clashes and society, especially the middle class, looks at it as a crime, as something blasphemous. In my opinion, it would be turning a new leaf for communal harmony if more inter caste and inter religious marriages are encouraged. We have so much to gain and nothing to lose. What we need is an initiative. Young men who have a spine, who can stick to their decisions against all odds! But these changes would take time; to change the mindset of society is like shifting a graveyard, even the dead stand up and bleed status quo. But the youth of this country would not budge and we all are expecting a bright future not only for the women but for this country.
Can love marriages be a solution to this problem? I think they might be. It would first be pertinent to look at how arranged marriages operate or happen in our country. Invariably, the girl’s father goes to meet the prospective groom or the boy. Before that the photographs are exchanged. The boy would see the photograph of the girl. Height of the girl – 5’3”, color – fair, age - 23 years. And then the boy looks at her educational background. Now what is most striking about this description? Are you going to buy a goat or a cow? How does the height and color matter in a long term relationship? How can you spend your life with some one you do not know? The argument is that this is how it has been happening for so many years and moreover, the arranged marriages in India have been quite successful, i.e., long lasting. But the long lasting Indian marriages are not the true testimony of happiness as much as they are of tolerance, ignorance, patience and stamina of the Indian women. It is just a compromise of life. Besides the attributes of the girl, there are other considerations that are more important and are invariably the decisive factors. What is the father doing? What are the siblings doing? It seems that one is in a big showroom to buy a DVD player. What a travesty of the individual and what a great irony!
There cannot be anything more inimical to the interests of the women. In this entire where do they stand? Invariably they stand as a silent spectator, much like the cow. I am not saying that parents do not take all steps to ensure a good life for their children. But then who are they to decide what is good for a 23 year old girl. If she cannot decide what is good for her, she would probably never understand and learn to make a choice. How can leave the most important decision of one’s life to others? Isn’t this a folly?
Let us have a look from the boy’s perspective. India promotes compliance and produces spineless males. What can be a better manifestation of the above line than the fact that they are willing to spend their lives with someone they do not know. Is it not like playing a gamble? For us a boy who refuses to listen to his parents is disobedient, callous and disrespectful. After all, our parents bring us up, take care of us and so they do have certain expectations. But then is it not a restriction or in fact a strangulation of his freedom, his life and his choices? Civil and political freedom has been guaranteed by the Constitution but where is personal freedom? Is it not insecurity of the parents that they think of themselves to be in a better position to decide for their son not letting loose the grip they have on him? And what does the Indian male do? He obeys his parents because he does not want to displease them. But is this not a spineless act? Does this not show his helplessness, his predisposition to please everyone revealing that he does not have the power to confront, to stick to his decision against all odds? In fact, in India marriage is not something where an individual has to exercise his right to chose. The choice of the partner is left to the families and the rest is left for them to ponder about. So, the most germane decision is not yours. I simply do not understand this.
We talk of Hindu Muslim unity. We know inter caste and inter religious understanding is must for our country. But then are we really promoting it? It has both individual and societal level implications to it. Firstly, at societal level, these castes and religious groups would remain water tight compartments with little mobility. Just imagine a Hindu getting married to a Muslim. In a second, it can lead to riots and clashes and society, especially the middle class, looks at it as a crime, as something blasphemous. In my opinion, it would be turning a new leaf for communal harmony if more inter caste and inter religious marriages are encouraged. We have so much to gain and nothing to lose. What we need is an initiative. Young men who have a spine, who can stick to their decisions against all odds! But these changes would take time; to change the mindset of society is like shifting a graveyard, even the dead stand up and bleed status quo. But the youth of this country would not budge and we all are expecting a bright future not only for the women but for this country.
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